


Déjà Vu

by Robron101



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-06-10 15:00:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6961804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robron101/pseuds/Robron101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robert becomes addicted to prescription drugs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Feels Like I Been Down This Road Before

It had started after Robert had been shot. The morphine the hospital gave him made him feel amazing, making the pain go away from the painful wound in his chest. It made his brain go all fuzzy, his tongue heavy in his mouth, and made all the horrible thoughts in his head disappear as it would sink him into unconsciousness. They gave him lots of the drug. They’d ask about his pain, the doctor asking him on a scale of one to ten how bad the pain was. At first it was a ten, but after a couple of days in the hospital it had gone down to at least a six, but still Robert claimed each time around an eight or a nine just so he could have the feeling of being pulled down real low where none of his problems lived. 

When they released him from the hospital they’d given him a prescription for Hydrocodone; 150 of them. The white pills weren’t as good as the morphine but they did the job. Especially when he’d start to think about Aaron and what he’d done. He’d pop two of the pills and let it slow down his thought process, take him to that quiet place where his physical and emotional pain was muffled. 

Victoria began to wonder how he was going through his prescription so fast. She chalked up to his pain and put it out of her mind. 

****

Robert went from one pill every six hours to two pills every four hours until the pills in his bloodstream would knock him out and he’d sleep a dreamless sleep. First time he snorted the pills was after Aaron’s hearing. He was practically stumbling his way into the courtroom, Vic suggesting they go home because she thought he was too upset to be there, but it was just the pills.  


He sat there, the buzzing in his head going away slightly as the court told everyone that Aaron had plead not guilty. He was furious. So goddamn angry that he would lie. Behind all that anger was pain that burned his chest, burned his heart until it felt charred and dead. He thought Aaron had loved him, but it had all been a lie. Robert had allowed himself to fall for him, love him so greatly that at night he’d choke on it until he was gasping for breath and reaching for the painkillers. He couldn’t take listening to the lies and it all burst forth, him jumping up and screaming at Aaron for him to admit what he’d done. 

The pain is his chest got even worse when Aaron had told him that he should have done the world a favor and dropped dead. Then everyone was screaming, Chas the loudest among them, and all Robert wanted to do was reach into his trouser pocket and pull out the bottle of pills. His hand clutched around the bottle and he was pulled out of his hypnotic state when Vic started pushing him from the courtroom. 

Then there was Andy, shoving him against the wall, screaming and spitting into his face; each word filled with venom and cutting him deeper than the bullet did. After Adam pulled him away, he told Vic he had to use the toilet and ran off to the nearest bathroom. He went into one of the stalls, his hands shaking as he pulled out the pill bottle. He’d read online about pill addiction when he’d thought he’d might of had a problem. There were forums about people with addiction and they’d describe their usage and what they’d do with the pills. He read about snorting them and it had quailed his fears some because he wasn’t doing that. Now he wanted to. The forums said it gets into the bloodstream faster through the capillaries in the nose and it was a more intense high. He wanted that - no he needed that. 

He grabbed one of the tissue toilet liners and laid it on the back of the tank. He took out two pills and set them down on the liner. The forums had been pretty descriptive about how to do this, and he was sure he could. He pulled out his wallet, taking out a credit card and a ten-pound note. He felt around in his pocket for something hard to crush the pills with; cursing silently when he realized he didn’t have anything. He ran his hands through his hair, thinking that maybe it was a good thing until he noticed the watch Chrissie had given him for his birthday. He undid the hook and pulled it off his wrist. He place the note over the pills and used the back of his watch to crush them. Robert crushed them until they were powder, sliding it over the note to make sure it was all powder with no chunks of the pill left to clog his nose. He lifted the money and used his credit card to wipe the residue off it onto the large pile of white powder. 

He fixed the pill powder into two straight lines and licked the credit card, shuddering from the bitter taste. He slipped the card into his pocket and rolled the tenner up so it was like a straw you could suck through. He took a deep breath before putting the bill up nose, he leant down - plugging up the other side of his nostrils, and he inhaled sharply through his nose and moved the ten-pound note along the pill line. It burned. Tears sprung up in his eyes and gripped the bridge of his nose, hissing in pain as the pill burned his sinuses. “Fuck,” he gasped from the discomfort. He snorted hard and almost gagged as he felt the bitter pill powder that had been stuck in his nose slip down the back of his throat. He shook his head back and forth and held the back of his hand to his nose until the burning went away. He sniffed; his nose already running. He snorted one more time before leaning back down with tenner in his nose and inhaled the second line - eye tearing up just like the last time. 

He ran his finger over the residue powder left on the liner, it easily clinging to the digit. He stuck it in his mouth and sucked off the powder, shuddering once again at the bitter taste. He balled the toilet protector up and threw it in the dustbin in the corner of the bathroom. He looked in the mirror, moving in close to see some white powder on the outside of his nose. He wiped it away and snorted, his nose running profusely now. 

He was still sniffling and rubbing his nose when he walked back to Vic. She didn’t say anything because she thought he’d been crying. Maybe if she’d asked it wouldn’t have gotten out of control. 

****

It got even worse as the nightmares started happening. They were a mixture of what happened at the lodge and him being shot. Most times it was Aaron playing the part of the shooter, but sometimes it was Andy, Chrissie, Katie, and once it had even been his Dad. He’d wake up in a cold sweat, shaking, and on the verge of tears. He’d grab the bottle of pills, and crush up two of them. He was going through six pills a day now. His appetite was gone during most meals, his nose ran constantly, and by the end of the day he could barely stand from the effects of the excessive amount of pills he was taking. It had been three days since he’d left the hospital and thirty-six pills were gone. 

He didn’t have a problem. 

****

Andy had made a deal with someone to shoot him. It was Andy, had been all along, and Aaron was sitting in prison; falsely accused, and Robert had believed he’d actually done it. He was very high when he confronted Andy. His words almost slurred when he was yelling at him that he’d killed Katie. Screaming at him about how he killed Mum and he promised, promised to come after Andy and finish him. They’d played chicken and Robert’s slow movements from the drugs almost didn’t give him enough time to jerk the wheel so he didn’t crash into Andy. He hadn’t done it to stop from killing himself and Andy. They were about to collide when thoughts of Aaron popped into his head. He knew that if he died then Aaron would be left in prison, alone and scared.  
He was going to leave him as he saw Andy’s car smoking. How easy it would have been to leave Andy in that jeep and let him burn to death. He almost did. He almost drove away but changed his mind at the last second - not even sure why he did. He’d gotten him out just as Vic and Adam showed up. It didn’t take long for the paramedics to show up and that’s when Adam pointed out that Robert was bleeding. He hadn’t even felt his stitches rip or any pain because he was so fucking high. 

They’d gotten them to hospital and the doctor that had sewn Robert’s wound back up wrote him a prescription for a painkiller called Tramadol. The prescription was for thirty of them. After the doctor had finished Robert snuck off to bathroom. He didn’t bother to snort the pills this time. He popped two into his mouth and used water from one of the taps in the bathroom to collect water in his hand and sipped from it to make the pills go down easier. 

He called and changed his statement so Aaron could be released from prison. It felt good to be able to do that. The pills kicked in and his tongue grew heavy and his body felt like it was floating near the stars and dammit if that didn’t feel better than anything. Of course he’d never admit that because Robert didn’t have a problem. 

****

Aaron was out of prison and when he walked into the pub Robert’s heart fluttered at the sight of him. He chucked it up to the two pills he snorted that he’d chased with two pints of lager. He had a very nice buzz going, and no one saw him stumble as he walked over to the bar to ask Chas if she was happy Aaron was out of prison. His phone vibrated; a message from Aaron telling him to come out back. Robert met him, and one look at him made Robert want to lean in a take a taste of lovely lips. He wondered how good it would feel to snog him while he was fucking high, to have the beard scratch against his face the way it always used to. He wondered how good it would feel to fuck Aaron while he was this high. It’d probably take him straight to the fucking stars. God he would love to touch the stars. 

Then Aaron was yelling. Saying horrible things that made Robert’s heart burn with guilt and pain. “I meant what I said at the court. I hate you, and nothing you can do is ever gonna change that.” Robert wanted to scream at him, say all those horrible things he’d said to him at the scrapyard all over again, and deep down a part of him wanted to cry, but more than anything he wanted another a pill to take him closer to the stratosphere and away from this fucked up mess he called life. 

****

Diane had been stabbed by Chas and for once Robert didn’t want to get high. He felt empty and so scared, and it only got worse once they’d found out that Diane’s cancer was back. Robert was sober for the first time in weeks as he sat with his family. Something was wrong though. He ached all over, felt nauseous to the point his stomach hurt, and he kept having cold chills and shaking. 

“Are you alright?” Vic whispered so as not to draw attention to them. 

“Think I might be getting the flu,” he lied. He excused himself and ran to the men’s room. He locked himself in one of the stalls, groaning as he doubled over and vomited into the toilet. He did that until he was dry heaving which caused the pain in his stomach to worsen. His hands shook as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the bottle of painkillers. His hands shook so bad he almost couldn’t get the lid off. There was only about ten left in the bottle and it had no refills. He didn’t think about what that meant as he shook out three pills; popping them into his mouth one at a time until he swallowed them down. 

Robert knew he had a problem. He just didn’t know if it was because he was almost out of pills or the fact that he was addicted. 

****

Robert’s run out of pills and things got bad. He was shaking, aching, and getting sick and everything, every little fucking thing set him edge. From the way Adam would laugh too loud - that always got on his nerves before the drugs but now it made him want stab Adam with a butter knife as they ate breakfast. Or the way Vic’s nonstop chattering felt like someone driving an ice pick into his skull. He lost control one morning when Vic was harping on him about not picking his clothes up off the bathroom floor. 

“Honestly Rob! We all share that bathroom and it would be nice if you showed a little courtesy instead of living like a pig.” Robert’s teeth was on edge and he bit down on his tongue to keep from screaming as his skin crawled with each word she spoke. “I don’t know what Chrissie let you get away with, but I’m not having it here.” 

“SHUT UP!” Robert roared and slammed his hands down on the table, all of his thin control gone. “JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET OVER IT!” 

“Oi! Don’t you dare fucking talk to her like that!” Adam’s booming voice sounded from behind him. He grabbed Robert by his soft grey cotton t-shirt, lifted him out of his seat, and slammed against the wall. “Apologize to her or get the fuck out!” 

“Adam stop!” Vic grabbed onto his arm and tried to pull him off of Robert. “Let go!” 

“Fuck you,” Robert spat at him. 

“GET OUT!” He threw Robert towards the door. He grabbed his jacket and stormed out, slamming the door so hard he thought he might of broke the hinges. He didn’t bother to check as he ran to his car, pulling out his phone as he did so. Once behind the wheel did he scroll through his contacts - finding the number of an old “friend” he should have deleted a long time ago.  


It rang three times before a smooth silky voice picked up, “Well well well. Wondered when I’d be hearing from you.” 

“Connor . . .” 

****

He sat at the bar in a pub, drinking a pint, and flirting with the bartender who obviously had no interest in him. Robert walked over and tapped him on the shoulder. Connor turned; his face breaking into a wicked grin. “You look like hell.” He said as he looked Robert up and down. 

_That’s what withdrawal does to you. Just give me the fucking pills you whore_. Robert didn’t say any of that out loud, knowing he wouldn’t get what he wanted if he did. Instead he shrugged and gave a wicked smile of his own. “You got what I want?” 

“Yeah but we can’t do it here,” Connor downed the last of his drink. “Where’s your car?” 

“Follow me,” Robert left with Connor following after him. It reminded him of the first time he met Connor, but this time he wasn’t looking for a quick hot fuck. No this time he wanted so much more.

Once in his car they drove a little out of the way. Connor reached into his pocket once Robert parked the car in a deserted car park. He extracted a labeless orange pill bottle. “Fifty. Just like you asked for. My guy was real chuffed when he heard the amount you wanted.” Robert reached for the bottle and Connor jerked it away from him. “Uh uh. Not until I have the money.” 

“Right,” Robert reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. “How much again?” 

“Ten a pill and at fifty pills that brings your total to £500.” Robert nodded and counted out the money and shoving into Connor’s hand. He grabbed the bottle from him and popped the top off. He shook out three of them, grabbed a half empty bottle of stale water from the floorboard at Connor’s feet, and drank the pills down. 

“Addiction’s a bitch ain’t it?” Connor said. 

“I’m not addicted,” Robert rasped out. 

“Yeah and I don’t blow blokes for money.” Connor gave him a suggestive smile and laid a hand on his thigh. “Speaking of work . . . how about I give you one for free for old times sake?” 

“No,” Robert removed his hand. 

“Seeing someone? . . . Not that that ever stopped you. How is the wife?” 

“Still divorcing me.” Robert started the car and drove back to the bar he’d picked Connor up at. 

“So are you seeing anyone?” 

“No,” Robert stopped the car and waited for him to get out. He sighed loudly and looked over at Connor who wasn’t even making the effort to get out of his car. 

“But you’re in love,” Connor whispers. “Or else my mouth would be on you right now. Is it the one? You know . . . Aaron?” Robert’s head jerked at the name, glaring deadly at Connor. “I remember you said his name once a couple months back while you were fucking me . . . He must be really special for you to say no.” 

“Get. Out. Now.” 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m going.” He opened the door, about to get out when he turns back to Robert. “Let me know if you want anymore . . . pills that is.” He smirks before getting out and slamming the door behind him. Robert drives away without a glance in the rearview mirror. 

The pills kicked in on the drive home. The ache leaving his body and the nausea disappearing. He relaxed into the seat and drove slowly on his way back to the village. Dreading the inevitable apology he’d have to make once he got back to Keeper’s Cottage. 

At least he could do it high. 

****

He was in love with Aaron. It didn’t take genius to figure that one out. Fuck, even Connor Jensen knew it and he just some rent boy Robert had fucked a couple times. Honestly he hated himself for loving Aaron after all the horrible things he’d put the younger man through, but he couldn’t stop. Couldn’t keep away no matter how hard he tried. He’d sit in the Woolpack and watch him from afar. Watch as he seemed to shrink into himself, his eyes darkening day by day ever since his dad came back. 

He tried. Really did. Tried every way possible to get close to Aaron again. He tried giving him space - didn’t work. All it did was hurt Robert and make him snort more pills up his nose. (He’d woken up yesterday morning - face stained a dirty red color from the dried blood caused by another bloody nose.) He tried talking to him - that was even worse than him keeping his distance. Aaron would snap and growl at him until Robert ran away with his tail tucked between his legs. When he found out Diane was selling her share of the pub, Robert had jumped at the chance to buy in. 

He honestly wanted to keep it in the family, but when he was alone at night he’d let himself think the real reason why he wanted it. Aaron. Everything he did kept coming back to Aaron. The prospect of living under the same roof as him sent a thrill through Robert that had him moving his hand underneath the covers and into his soft cotton boxers to jerk himself off. He imagined living so close to Aaron in a such a small house. Imagined Aaron doing his best to keep away from Robert, but constantly bumping into him. The sexual tension it would create between the two men had Robert speeding his hand up - using his precum as lubrication to move his hand faster. He pictured Aaron “accidentally” walking in on him in the bathroom. His eyes falling onto Robert’s cock, back up to his face, and then back to his cock. He pictured Aaron mumbling “fuck it” under his breath before dropping to his knees and sucking Robert off. 

Robert came hard, crying out into the crook of his elbow so the sound was muffled. He pulled his hand out and threw back the covers. He ripped off his sodden shorts, using them to clean himself up before throwing them near the clothes hamper. 

He sat up in his bed and reached into his bedside table; pulling out the plate he'd stolen from Vic's kitchen. He pulled out the bottle of pills Connor had given him. He shook out two, crushed 'em up, and snorted them.” His sinuses seemed to be burning more than usual lately, and he felt the hot liquid before it poured down on to his naked chest. Robert pulled on a clean pair of boxers and was up and running to the bathroom to staunch the flow of blood pouring out of his nose. 

Vic was walking past the bathroom the three of them shared. She paused outside the door to stare at Robert; whose head was tossed pack with a wad of tissue that was quickly becoming stained, red. “Another nosebleed? Maybe you should go see Dr. Bailey. You might have high blood pressure.” 

_Or maybe I should stop snorting pills up my nose_. “I’ll think about it,” he said and shut the door in her face. 

****

Robert had been high - well he usually high - but this time he’d taken an extra pill before going to see Aaron at the portacabin. He could tell right away that something was wrong. He wouldn’t look at Robert for one and Aaron rarely passed on a chance to glare scathingly at Robert. Now he kept his eyes averted, and he was sweating and very pale. He kept his arm cradled to his chest and winced as he handed over the months report. He tried to talk to him, tried to get him to open up, but Aaron ran out after he sat down. 

Something wasn’t right and even through his pill induced haze, Robert could tell that. He found Aaron’s parting note and the sheer panic it raised inside Robert made him want to be sick. He ran after him to ask him why he was leaving, and then he collapsed. 

He’d been cutting again and this time it was worse than ever. He'd gotten Septicemia and almost died. Then Aaron told Robert, Gordon had raped him. 

Robert stopped getting high. 

****

He used only enough to get by so he didn't feel the symptoms of withdrawal. When Aaron disappeared for a week after he'd given his statement to the police, Robert finally quit cold turkey. He spent the time in his room, vomiting into a dustbin, shaking, sweating, and aching all over. Vic wanted to take him to hospital, but he refused. He didn't need a doctor, he needed to get high, but he'd flushed his supply of pills. It went on for three days until it was all out of his system.

Aaron came back, and Robert finally had a clear head so he could be there for him without a pill induced fog clouding his thoughts. But God, did he want to get high.

*****

He slipped up once when he found Andy and Chrissie were fucking. He had flushed his supply of pills, all but four. He took them after Aaron had cancelled their night out together. It was stupid and he knew he shouldn't have done it, but fuck everything seemed to keep getting worse and worse for him. He snorted them, and spent the night in his room feeling the pull of the pills that pushed him into the void he fucking craved to never leave. 

He really regretted the decision the next day when he had no more pills, and he wanted to get high again. It got worse when he'd gotten into a fight with Lawrence over the company. He left so mad that once he was in his car, he pulled out his phone and almost called Connor, but at the last second changed his mind. 

****

He wanted to see Aaron, but Aaron wanted nothing to with him right now. He pushed the craving away and settled for a couple cans of lager he picked up at David's. He got a pretty good buzz going when he decides to go back and confront Lawrence. He found him dying on the floor of Home Farm, and he had planned to phone an ambulance, but didn't. That darkness that lived inside him stopped him, telling him Lawrence deserved it, and he left him there. 

Fuck. It felt just as good as getting high. 

****

Aaron's court date was finally here and Robert got up, got dressed, and went to meet him. Aaron said he didn't want him there, and God did that fucking hurt, but a part Robert understood why. He kept away - the urge to get high almost too much to handle - he went to the pub and drank five pints. It didn't take him quite where he wanted to go but it took him low enough.  
He was a little hungover the next day, but he took the stand and said what was in his heart. The look Aaron gave him made him feel a natural high - something he hadn't felt in a long time.  
They were together. Robert wasn't really sure what it meant. He had missed him and Aaron wanted to take things slow. The kiss had reignited a fire inside him that had been burnt out for too long. 

It was amazing and for once he didn't think about getting high. 

****

Guilty. Gordon was found guilty, and he couldn't have been any happier

Happy for Aaron, happy for himself, and happy for what the future now held for them. 

He stayed with Aaron that night. It was good. They didn't have sex, but they kissed and there was some light petting. It was so fucking good to hold Aaron in his arms again. He almost told him about the drug use, but did not. 

God, he should have told him. 

****

Liv was living with him now and he'd never been so fucking jealous. She was taking him away. He'd just got Aaron back and now he was losing him again to a fucking child. The urge to get high was almost too strong, especially when Aaron would choose Liv over him.

****

Pete was out of prison and he'd given Robert a letter from Gordon meant for Aaron. He didn't know what the fuck to do with it. He didn't know if giving him the letter would ruin the progress Aaron was making. He even went as far as asking Adam for help. In the end Aaron made his choice for him, yelling about he wanted nothing to with Gordon anymore. And he chose to burn the letter. 

He called Connor that night and they got high together, but he didn't make a purchase. 

****

Aaron found out about the letter and Gordon was dead. Aaron was angry with him and Robert couldn't have been more scared. Scared he'd leave him, just after finding him again. 

****

Liv had accused him of killing Gordon in prison. Aaron had assumed and she'd overheard them talking about it. He was hurt that Aaron could think he was capable of doing something like that, especially after all he'd done to prove he wasn't that man anymore. 

He called Connor and made a purchase. 50 pills. Fuck, he was about to become numb again. 

****

Aaron called while he was with Connor. He couldn't answer the phone and talk to him while he was this fucked up. He dropped Connor off at his place and drove back home. He'd never admit it to himself but he also drove off the road on his way back. 

He was still pretty high but his nerves was helping cancel out the feel of the pills. He went in and heard Aaron in the stairs, and he was talking to his voicemail. 

They made up and Robert felt guilty. Not just because of the letter - god did that make him feel guilty - but also the drug use. He'd been weak, And he knew that he would use again. There was no way he couldn't not use again. 

****

Robert had almost pissed himself.when Chas informed that Gordon had left Liv and Aaron half a million pounds between them. Fuck, the thought of that kind of money could make Robert hard just thinking about it, but Aaron didn't want it. 

He tried to protest but Aaron was adamant about not taking the money. Charity was like him - she practically came when she heard the amount of money they could inherit. Charity was pushing him to make Aaron see reason and Robert said he would. Aaron had overheard and he broke up with Robert. 

He snorted so many pills that night, he made himself sick and passed out on the bathroom floor. 

****

He's been using gratuitously for the past couple weeks. He was going through eight pills a day and drinking heavily on top of it. He never remembers falling asleep, most times not even making it to his own bed. The other night on his way back from Hotten he wrapped his car around tree trunk. 

When he came to he was bleeding from the head. He'd been out for about an hour. No one had came by and for that he was thankful. He got out, stumbling as he did so, and checked the damage. It was pretty extensive, and there was no way he would be able to get it started and back to the village. He wasn't far - about ten minute walk. He checked his pocket for his pills and used the sleeve of his jacket to wipe away the blood and started walking home. 

Vic and Adam were on the sofa, watching some movie when he walked through the door. “Rob?” Vic called out. He ignored and went upstairs to his room. He pulled off his clothes - stashing his pills in the bedside table. He pulled on a apart of sweatpants and clean T-shirt - he threw the one covered in blood in the hamper even though he knew the stains wouldn't come out.  
He went to the bathroom and checked the damage to his head. It was superficial wound. He cleaned it up the best he could - the pills had him feeling no pain. Vic was waiting outside the bathroom for him. 

“What happened?” She grabbed his head and tried to pull back the bandage he'd used to cover the wound. “Have you been drinking?” She asked even though she could smell the alcohol on him. 

“M’fine,” he mumbled and pushed her off. 

“What is going on with you?” She demanded and followed him as he went back to his room. “Is this because of Aaron? Rob talk to me!”

“Leave it, Vic!” He shouted at her and slammed his bedroom door in her face. 

Aaron hadn't talked to him in two weeks - even with them working at portacabin together he found ways to ignore Robert. Vic bringing him didn't help any, and the last thing Robert wanted to do was talk about how much it was killing him. He snorted two more pills before finally falling asleep. 

He went by the garage to have his car towed. The only two people there were Cain and Holly. Cain stared at the bandage on his head and asked what happened.  
Robert made up some excuse about an animal and swerving to miss it. He told him where his car was. “I'll tow in today. Have you talked to Aaron?” 

“Uh no,” he ran a hand through his hair. He wasn't comfortable talking to Cain about Aaron, especially right now with how high he was. He wanted to lean against the blue Honda that was currently parked in the garage with the bonnet up. “Could you not mention this to him?” 

Cain didn't give him a yes or a no, but he did promise to have his car towed in and fixed. Robert thanked him and walked passed Holly out of the garage. They made eye contact for a moment, and he caught her smirk before he walked away. 

“What?” He snapped at her. 

“Nowt,” she shrugged and he started away but her next words stopped him. “You might want to consider sunglasses though. People might start wonder why your pupils have disappeared.”  


He turned back to her, a glare already prepared. “What's that supposed to mean?” 

“Just a tip from one friend to another,” and she winked at him. He looked into her eyes and smirked at the size of her pupils. They were tiny pin pricks like his. 

“Right,” he nodded and left. He was sure whatever she was on wasn't the same as him, but he kept it in the back of his mind in case he ever got desperate. He was sure Holly knew how to get her hands pills along with other unmentionables. It was a plus that he also didn’t have to deal with Connor anymore. Every time they got together, Connor tried his hardest to get into Robert’s trousers, and honestly Robert was finding it harder and harder to fight off his advances. 

****

He was in the Woolpack having a pint - and secretly hoping to catch a glimpse of Aaron - when out of nowhere he was there, sliding into the booth beside him. They stared at each other - well Robert stared at him while Aaron focused his attention to the bandage on his forehead. “Cain said you were in a car accident,” he mumbled and touched the bandage. Robert should have flinched but the beer and pills made him feel no pain. 

“Maybe Cain should mind his own business,” Robert muttered. He wanted his words to be filled with venom, but it was impossible to angry underneath Aaron’s touch. 

“Why are you trying to keep it a secret?” Aaron took his hand away. He waited for an answer but Robert didn’t have one. “Did you at least go to hospital to get checked out?” 

“Why do you care? Aren’t you the one who kicked me out of your life?” Aaron frowned at him. “Sorry,” Robert sighed. “Maybe I should just go.” He made a move to let Aaron know to get up so he could leave. 

“How about you buy me a pint instead,” Aaron smiled lightly at him, “and you can tell me about your accident and how much of twat you are.” 

“I think I can do that,” he smiled. Aaron moved so Robert could go over to the bar. He got him a pint and went back to the table. “I’ll be right back,” Aaron shrugged and took a sip of his pint. Robert went to the loo and fuck he didn’t know what he was doing when he pulled out the bottle of pills. He shook out two and took them orally, using water from one of the taps to help them down. 

He felt so fucking stupid for taking more, especially when Aaron seemed to want to fix things. He sighed and couldn’t look at his reflection in the mirror, afraid to see the Oxy monster hiding in his eyes. Fuck, he hoped Aaron wouldn’t see it.


	2. It's Like Something Takes Over Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert's use continues, and someone discovers he's been using.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Posts chapter and then runs away quickly so as not be yelled at for making you wait so long*

They talked for a couple hours. Robert quit drinking but Aaron had a few more. The pills were making it hard to focus and every now and then Robert could feel his eyes start to droop. He tried his damndest to keep with the conversation and he almost didn’t even hear when Aaron asked him to stay the night. Aaron placed a hand on his thigh, and smiled shyly at him. 

“Uh,” he tried to think through the pills. “Yes.” 

“Great,” he smiled and got up, pulling Robert with him. Chas was smiling at them as they went into the back. Robert tried to return it but the pill haze made him a fraction too late. Aaron pulled him up the stairs - Robert trying not to trip over his own feet through his languid movements. Aaron pushed him into his bedroom, shutting the door and locking it behind him. He grabbed Robert by his leather jacket and pulled him into a kiss. Robert’s movements were slow, his lips trying to return the kiss with as much heat Aaron was putting into it, but they felt numb underneath his. 

The pills made him numb, and it didn’t help that Aaron’s kisses always made him feel lightheaded. He was so far behind that he didn’t even realize his jacket and shirt were on the floor before Aaron pushed him down onto the bed. “Aaron,” Robert gasped as Aaron palmed him through his jeans. “I thought you said . . . I-I . . . a-are you sure?” 

Aaron chuckled and added more pressure and Robert’s eyes rolled slightly and his eyes shut. “I love that I can make you this flustered.” Robert's eye didn't reopen. “Rob?” Aaron shook him. Robert's mouth opened and he snored lightly. “Fuck.” Aaron would have found it funny that he'd fallen asleep if he wasn't so hard. 

****

Robert woke up alone in Aaron’s bed. He couldn’t really remember what had happened. He remembered being in the bar and talking with Aaron - he wasn’t too sure of the conversation - and he remembered going up stairs with him. After that it was all a blank. He was only in his boxers, but the ache in his muscles that always accompanied him in the mornings couldn't tell whether or not they had sex. 

He rolled over and grabbed his jacket from the floor. He pulled out his bottle of pills, popped the cap and shook out three. He took them one at a time. He only had six pills left. He put the lid back on and stuffed it quickly back into his pocket when he heard the bedroom door open. “Morning!” He said too cheerfully from almost being caught. 

“You're an arsehole,” was Aaron's greeting. 

“I'm sorry?” Robert said and called up the jacket so when he tossed to the floor, the rattling of the pills were muffled and they didn't fall out. 

“You.” Aaron climbed onto the bed. “Are.” He straddled Robert's waist. “An.” He pushed Robert down so he was flat against the mattress. “Arsehole.” He sunk a hand into his hair and pulled. 

“What did I do?” Robert hissed at the pain, but didn't mind because it was Aaron touching him. 

“You fell asleep last night,” he leant down so his lips were hovering just over Robert's, “when I was all geared up to go down on you and everything.”

“R-Really?” Robert could feel himself getting hard just from the contact. “Guess I had to much to drink,” he chuckled. 

“Mmm did you now?” Aaron smirked and moved his hips a little bit to cause enough friction to make Robert squirm. “Well you're not drunk now,” and he kissed him.  
The pills hadn't kicked in and Robert could feel the ache in his muscles, but with Aaron kissing him he didn't seem to mind too much. They kissed, tongues exploring each other's mouths, hand roaming bodies. Robert bucked his hips into Aaron, moaning out his name. 

Then the contact was gone. 

“What? Where are you going?” Robert asked as Aaron headed for the door. 

“You fell asleep, Rob. You want me, you’ll have to make it up to me first.” Fuck! Aaron walked out leaving Robert rock hard and shoving his hand into his cotton shorts to jerk off. 

****

He was on his lunch break when he placed a call to Connor. He answered with a chuckle and silky one liner. “You just can’t keep away can you?” _I can’t stop getting high._ He asked if he could get more pills. Connor gave him a time, an address, and a flat number. “I’ll be waiting.” The line went dead. 

Robert sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t want to meet him at a flat. At least when they were in his car it was easier to fight off his advances, but being alone in a flat would be too tempting, but Robert wanted pills. It wasn’t a hard decision to make. He called Aaron and cancelled their plans to have lunch, making up some excuse about a client he had to go meet. Aaron understood, and Robert felt guilty. He crushed up two pills, and he snorted his guilt away. 

Connor opened the door and stepped aside to let Robert pass. “Want a beer?” His place was small, messy - clothes and empty take away boxes everywhere. There was a strong smell of cigarette smoke and marijuana. His coffee table was littered with paraphernalia. A green and blue smoking pipe, empty prescription bottles, a bag of marijuana, and a bag of white powder that Robert assumed was cocaine - next to it was a mirror and a straw. 

“No thanks,” Robert declined the beer. After wrecking his car he was smart enough not to drink and be high at the same time. Connor walk past him and sat on the couch, patting the spot next to him. Robert sat down but not as close as Connor had directed. He watched as Connor dumped some of the powder onto the mirror and used his makeshift straw to snort it up. He offered the straw to Robert. 

“I’m fine,” he said. He didn’t want to go up but down, real real low. He pulled out £200 for twenty pills and handed it over to Connor. 

“Right down to business. Here I thought you enjoyed my company.” Robert rolled his eyes. To him it was a bit pathetic the way Connor threw himself at Robert every time he wanted to make a buy. A couple fucks and it was like Connor expected it now. 

“You want the money or not?” 

“I’d prefer to take the payment another way but if you insist,” Connor took the money. He disappeared to one of the back room before sauntering back out, shaking a blank prescription bottle with the pills rattling inside. Robert reached for them, only for Connor to pull back. He gave Robert a sly smile. “Now if I give you these are you going to run out of here?” 

“I have to get back,” Robert sighed and reached for the bottle again. Connor put the bottle in his trouser pocket. “Come on, Connor. Quit fucking around.” 

“It’s what I do for a living,” he said and his smirk grew. “But you’d know all about that now wouldn’t you?” He reached out to touch Robert’s face. His hand shot out and grabbed his arm and threw it back at him. 

“I’m seeing someone,” he said. “It’s not gonna happen, Connor.” 

“Aaron?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well you’ve been coming to me for pills for months now. Maybe it’s time I took a little interest out.” Connor reach out for him again and Robert didn’t stop him as he ran a hand down his t-shirt clad chest. “Pills for . . . I’m sure you can figure it out.” 

“No.” Connor slips the pills into the pocket of his jeans, and put the money back into Robert’s hand. “Is this a fucking joke?”  
“You want the pills, and I want to fuck you. You get to keep 200 quid, don't see what the fucking problem is.” Robert doesn't know what the fuck to say. He wants the drugs, wants 'em real bad, but he didn't know if he wanted them bad enough to the point he'd cheat on Aaron. He wasn't too sure where they stood with each other. They fought like cats and dogs most days, but he loves Aaron with everything he has. 

“I-I can't,” he said. “I have the money. Come on Connor.”

“Look at that, you're already halfway there with begging me,” he stepped closer and pressed his body against Robert's. “I won't tell anyone,” he whispered. His lips were so close, and Robert felt the bottle of pills through the fabric of his jeans. He really wanted those pills.

He grabbed Connor by the back of the neck and kissed him. It wasn't familiar like Aaron's kisses were, but it wasn't unfamiliar because he's kissed Connor before. Connor kissed him back fiercely, his hands grabbing Robert by the arse to pull him closer. He didn’t really feel it. Like Connor was kissing someone else’s body and Robert happened to be trapped inside, and getting second hand jolts of lust. They fell onto the sofa, and Robert was aware that Connor was undoing the buttons of his shirt, and that he was already hard and grinding against Robert’s leg, but he didn’t really feel it. 

“You wanna be on top?” Connor asked as he licked across Robert’s jaw. He didn’t answer, didn’t want to make this more than what it was. Sex for drugs. Then again that was an important question that deserved an answer. Of course he’d be on fucking top. Then Robert’s mind goes kind of blank because Connor’s rubbing him through his trousers, and the sensation is enough to still all thoughts except the one’s focused on pleasure. Connor asks him the question again. 

“Top,” Robert gasps out as Connor licks over one of his nipples, and it’s good. It still doesn’t feel right because there’s no scrape of scruff against his skin, not rough hands gliding over his body. Connor’s are soft and small, and it just isn’t right. Robert’s hands slip under Connor’s shirt and he traces his fingers over soft smooth skin that doesn't feel right because the ridged scars are missing. He jerks his hand away and pushes Connor off of him. 

“No!” Robert practically shouts the word. He jumps up and is doing his shirt up as he heads for the front door. 

“What the fuck?” Connor hisses and Robert doesn’t bother to look over at him. “Don’t you want the pills?” And he does. God he wants them, but the price is too high this time.

“Keep ‘em,” Robert mumbles and he’s out the door before Connor can say anything else. 

****

Once he was back in his car- well Vic’s car seeing as his was still at the garage - he slammed his hand over and over on the steering wheel, screaming obscenities and on the verge of tears. He could still feel Connor’s skin underneath his hand, and he wiped them on his jeans to try and get rid of it. He felt sick and dirty and guilty, and what he needed to make all those things go away was upstairs in Connor's flat, in his pocket. 

He couldn't go back up there. Wouldn't go back up there. He drove away so he wouldn't be tempted and it wasn't easy. Robert hadn’t a clue how to get more pills, he was going to be out soon and he hadn’t bothered to ration out his last six because he figured he had a steady supply of more coming in from Connor. Now he was fucked, and he knew. Last thing he wanted was to go through withdrawal, and even more than that he didn’t not want to be high. 

He had to get more pills someway. He knew he could go to leeds, find dealers that worked the streets but it was too risky - too dangerous. Then he remembered he had a “friend” in the village who shared a similar addiction. He had to plan it carefully. Robert knew he couldn’t just go up to Butler’s Farm, knock on the door, and ask to speak with Holly. He didn’t know her well enough and it would be suspicious. Hell he could get up there and she might not even be there and then he would have to come up with some explanation as to why he’d be at the farm in the first place. He didn’t think it would sit too well with Moira if he asked to buy some pills from her junkie daughter; he couldn’t imagine what Cain’s reaction would be but after their last run in at the warehouse the last thing he wanted was Cain coming after him. 

He chose first to go to the garage and see if Holly was working, hoping that she was and he could get her alone for a moment. He parked behind a car, checking how he looked in the mirror first. He tried to flatten his hair from where Connor had messed it up. It was still a little messy but it looked more like he hadn’t combed it this morning instead of it looking as if someone had been roughly running their hands through it just minutes before. 

He got out of his car and shut it behind him. He realized the car belongs to Rhona, who was coming out of the garage looking annoyed. Robert was sure it had something to do with Cain. Rhona wasn't paying attention, too aggravated to even register that Robert was walking towards her. Robert had planned to ignore Rhona all together but she ended up running right into him, clipping his shoulder with hers. She tumbled backwards and Robert tried to stop her from hitting the ground but it too late and she ended up on her backside on the asphalt. 

“Rhona I'm sorry,” Robert said and bent over to help her up. “Should have been paying more attention . 

“No no it's my fault I was-” and her words were cut short by the amount of something clattering on the ground. It was his almost empty pill bottle. He grabbed for it, heart racing, and shoved it into his pocket. He took Rhona by the hands and helped her up. 

“Sorry again,” he said and walked past her. 

“Uh Robert?” 

“They're just sleeping tablets,” he said before he could stop himself. He turned back to look at her, making sure to avoid eye contact - he should have taken Holly’s advice and invested in a pair of sunglasses. Robert was sure she'd see it in his eyes just the way Holly had. Aaron, told him long ago that she'd had an addiction to pills once too. 

“I was gonna ask if Aaron had spoken to Paddy lately. Wondering how they're getting on and what now.” 

“Oh,” was his lame reply. _Stupid, next time keep your mouth shut!_

“Robert if you ever need to talk to someone. I have a number for a good councillor.”  
Rehab was the word she left out, but Robert didn't need her to say it because it was there underneath her tone. She knew he had a problem. He had to lie, and lie good. 

“Honestly everything’s fine. I’ve just had some trouble sleeping. New job, new relationship, everything that happened with Aaron and Gordon and now Liv. It’s all just sorta taken its toll on me. I’ll be fine. Promise.” Robert tried to read her body language to see if she bought it. She crossed her arms over her chest, looked away, and bit her lip. She was silent, lost in her own thoughts, before she sighed and her body relaxed, and she looked back at Robert. 

“If you still ever need to speak with someone . . .” 

“I’ll give it a thought. Thanks for caring.” He would have rather of said something rude and snappy, but he knew that would only make her more suspicious. “Um could you not mention this to Aaron,” the look of suspicion was back on her face. “It’s just that he worries more than he should, and he has enough on his plate what with Liv, and Gordon’s funeral coming up. I don’t want him to have to worry about me also.” 

“Sure,” she said slowly. “I wouldn’t lie to him though. Bad things can happen when you’re not honest,” and on that ominous note she got in her car and drove away. He watched her car disappear, wondering about what kind of trouble she could make for him, before walking into the garage. He looked around and so no sign of Holly, of course that didn’t mean she wasn’t working, she could be on break or something, 

“What do you want?” Cain asked from the office. 

“Thought I’d check on my car,” Robert said, trying to think of a way to bring up Holly. 

“I towed it in yesterday, with a massive dent in the front. It’s gonna be a couple weeks before I have it fixed. I’ll call you when I’m done so you don’t have to keep nosing about here.” 

“Not nosing, just impatient. Are you alone today?” 

“What’s it to you?” Cain asked, and Robert could feel his own suspicions rising. 

“Well if you had more help - or were even trying to work on my car,” he said and gestured towards Cain who was sitting at his desk, drinking a cup of coffee and reading a newspaper. “Then maybe my car would be done quicker. I’m not paying you to sit around.” 

“Your car will be ready when I say, and if you want it done right then I wouldn’t be a twat about it. Understand?” Robert clenched his jaw and stared at Cain. “You can go now.” 

“Fine,” he grumbled and left the shop. He was walking back towards his car when Ross walked up, dressed in his overalls that Robert had preferred when Aaron had worn his pair. “You and Cain the only ones in today?” 

“Yeah, what’s it to you?” 

“Looking for Dan,” he lied. A stupid lie, because honestly he wouldn’t ever bother with Dan. He didn't wait for Ross to respond, and got in the car Victoria was lending him.  


He had narrowed Holly's whereabouts down some. Still didn't mean she was up at Butler's. He could try the pub, but knew he'd run into Aaron there and get distracted. A good distraction, but he had to stay focused. He could call Adam or Vic for her number, but he didn't have a good enough explanation for why he wanted it. 

He decided to wing it, and drive up to Butler’s farm hoping he would just run into Holly. Honestly he needed some good luck after the day he had, and he sent a silent prayer to the universe to give it to him. 

****

He drove up to the farm, got out and opened the gate and had to wade through a mess of sheep before he made it to the other gate. “Get back,” he snapped at one particular sheep who was sniffing around his shoes. “Fucking hate sheep,” he mumbled once he was able to get out the other side. He straightened out his shirt and jacket before heading over to the house. He was just about to knock when someone spoke from behind him, startling him. He grabbed his heart and spun around to come face to face with Holly who was smirking at him. 

“Don’t scare people like that,” he snapped. “What are you doing anyway?” He asked and then looked closer. She was swaying, her eyelids hooded, her pupils almost gone, and she had a small smile playing around her lips. Fuck, she's fucked up. 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?” 

“I need a favor,” he said through tight lips. Yeah he was desperate for more pills, but he hated going to a junkie like Holly for them. 

“Let me guess you need a bunch of tiny little white favors?” Robert didn't say anything but his silence confirmed her question. “Thought so. What are you looking for?”

“Anything. Percocet, Tramadol, Roxie's, Vicodin . . . Whatever you can get your hands on.” 

“My guy doesn't really deal in pills but I'm sure he can find some. If you're not in a rush you can wait while I call him.” He checked his watch, he should have already been back at the portacabin, but he didn't care. He'd rather wait and find out. 

“I can wait,” she nodded and pulled her phone out of her pocket. She sat down on the porch steps, leaning her head against a post. He wondered if she was going to pass out. He watched her, the smile on her face growing, and Robert couldn't help but notice how fucking happy she looked. He wanted to be like that. 

“Hey Simon,” she said suddenly. “No I don't need more already. I was wondering if you had any pills, Oxy's or summat?” It was silent for a moment as she listened to her dealer talk. “Uh huh,” she said. Robert hated not being able to hear what he was saying to her. Hated that he didn't fucking know. “Alright. Well call if you find any,” she said and hung up. 

“He doesn't have any but he said he'd look around and give me a call when he found summat. It might be a while. Give me your number so I can text you when he's got some.” He gave her his number, and she gave hers to him. 

“How long?” He asked. 

“Don't know for sure. Are you held over for now?” 

“Not really,” he said as he thought about the two pills he had left. 

“Well if you ever want something different you know where to find me,” and she extracted a piece of tin foil from her pocket. Robert hated to admit he was tempted, but he declined her offer. 

“Suit yourself.” 

“Just call me yeah?” He said and left, wading through the sea of sheep again, cursing at one who wouldn't get the fuck out of his way. He could hear Holly laughing at him as he walked to his car. 

****

“Hey,” Aaron said as he sidled up next to Robert at the bar. He smiled over at Aaron, wondering slightly what kind of ground they were on. They had talked a lot last night about making things right. Aaron had confessed to not wanting Robert out of his life, and Robert had promised to stop meddling where he wasn’t needed. Robert couldn’t remember most of the night after that, and Aaron had informed him that they had come close to having sex but he’d fallen asleep from the mixture of drugs and booze running through his veins. 

“Hi,” he said with a timid smile. “Can I buy you pint?” 

“Of course,” Aaron smirked, making Robert’s smile grow even more. 

“Sorry about lunch today,” Robert mumbled. He felt guilty for having to cancel on him, especially after last night. 

“That’s fine. Meeting go well?” 

“Could have been better,” Robert growled. “They were fighting me, so I decided to take the business elsewhere.” 

“Robert Sugden, always knows how to get the job done.” 

“I can get the job done later if you want,” he said and waggled his eyebrows. 

“You better, especially after last night,” and Aaron laid his hand on his thigh, and squeezed. 

“Well I can always buy you that pint later?” Robert said suggestively and put his hand over Aaron’s. 

“Can’t, sorry. Rhona invited me and Liv over for tea, weird.” Robert’s hand clutched around Aaron’s a little too tightly. “Ow!” Aaron snapped and snatched his hand out from under Robert’s. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “W-Why did she invite you over?” 

“Said something about spending time with my godson. I said yes because I’d like to spend some time with him. I haven’t in a long time, and with Paddy gone and everything I thought it would be good for him too.” 

“He has Marlon,” Robert said sharply, earning an odd look from Aaron. 

“Yeah he does,” he said slowly. “But he’s still my godson and I want to spend time with him too. Why don’t you come with. I’m sure Rhona won’t mind.” _Oh I’m sure she will, the meddling bitch._

“Can’t wait,” Robert forced a tight smile that earned him another odd look from Aaron, who shrugged it off. Robert knew he had to be on point tonight, watch for any sign Rhona was about to let slip of their encounter earlier that day, so he found himself asking why he went into the bathroom and snorted his last two pills. 

****

They pulled up to Rhona's about six. The effects of the pills were making Robert numb and light headed, his tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth. He'd asked Aaron to drive because he'd felt his eyes starting to slip closed at the pub. Liv was in the backseat prattling on about something, and Robert was numb enough to block her out. 

Aaron knocked on the door, and it swung open to reveal an apron wearing Rhona. She smiled hugely at Aaron, and it slipped off her face when she looked over at Robert. “I didn't know you were coming.” 

“I thought you wouldn't mind,” Aaron said and went in for a hug. She hugged him back, her eyes never leaving Robert. He didn't make eye contact, it would be very obvious to her that he was high. _Fuck Robert, what were you thinking_? He scolded himself. “You don't, do you?” Aaron asked after Rhona hadn't said anything. 

“Um of course not. Well come in you lot,” she stepped back so the three of them could enter her home. Robert looked her in the face as he walked by there was no point in hiding it from her seeing as he had spend the evening with her and she was bound to notice at some point. He gave her a hard glare, which she returned. 

“Right well Leo's in the sitting room. I hope you don't mind spag bol. Um Robert why don't you come and help me for a moment while Liv and Aaron spend time with Leo, yeah?” 

“Oh I don't know if you want his help Rhona,” Aaron chuckled and poked Robert playfully. “He's a God awful cook, nearly killed me once with his cooking.” 

“I burnt pancakes once, Aaron. Once. And I told you, you didn't have to eat them.” Aaron smiled and kissed his cheek. 

“Still got sick, didn't I?” 

“Go play with your godson and let me and Rhona handle the kitchen,” Robert said and pushed him towards the sitting room. 

“Now that's settled. Robert,” she said sharply but enough to draw attention to her. He followed her into the kitchen. She stirred the sauce on the stove, the room smelling of tomatoes and Italian spices. “If you could grab some of those plates down from the cupboard for me, it shouldn't be long until it's finished.” 

Robert did as she asked, trying to make his movements less languid so he didn't seem too fucked up. “Thought you weren't going to say anything to him?” Robert hissed as he set the plates down on the counter. 

“Don't know what you're talking about,” she said stiffly and drained the pot of cooked noodles. 

“Don't play stupid with me. I told you I didn't want him to worry, he's been through enough. Can't you stay the hell out of it.” 

“No I can't,” she hissed and turned to him. “Because I know those weren't sleeping tablets. I'm not stupid Robert. I've been in the same position as you and I can tell you're high as a kite right now.” 

“I'm fine,” he hissed. “It's none if your business and you'll do well to stay out of it.” 

“Or?” She countered. “You won't do anything to me. You know Aaron would leave you in heartbeat if you did.” 

“I'm not worried about Aaron finding out. There are ways to make it look like an accident Rhona. Besides you have Leo to think about also . . . Be a shame if anything happened to him, wouldn't it?” 

“How dare you threaten my son,” she spat him, getting right in his face. Robert smirked and shrugged. 

“Won't have to if you keep your gob shut, understand?” 

“Everything okay?” They jumped apart as Aaron walked in. You could practically taste the tension and animosity between them. He looked back and forth between Rhona and Robert, his eyebrow creasing and he scowls; taking notice at the clear stiffness of the situation. 

“Everything's fine,” Rhona spoke first. A forced smile spreading across her face. Robert was giving me tips on the sauce, that's all. 

“Alight . . . Well Leo's getting hungry, just thought I'd come and check and see how much longer.” He was still frowning, clearly seeing through Rhona's lie. 

“Here take these,” and she grabbed the plates Robert had set on the counter and handed them to Aaron. “We’ll be eating in the sitting room. Shouldn't be much longer. I'll have Robert help me carry the food in.” 

“Yeah alright,” he looked at them both separately before walking out of the kitchen. They waited a minute before Rhona turned on Robert. 

“You ever come near my son . . .” She growled letting her unspoken threat hang between them. 

“Won't have to. Just keep quiet,” he warned her once more before grabbing the bowl of the now drained noodles and heading into the sitting room. 

****

“This was nice,” Aaron said as they were saying their goodbyes at the door. Robert had been pinned to Aaron's side all night, making sure Rhona couldn't let it slip about his drug use. “We'll have to do it again.” Liv had already said goodbye, she had clearly been bored all night. Robert was sure when he looked at her that she was thinking about jabbing a fork in her eye to make the night more entertaining. 

“Of course we will,” she said and hugged him, glaring at Robert over his shoulder. 

“Bye you,” Aaron said and crouched down to give him a hug. “I'll see you real soon, okay?” 

“Okay,” Leo said and hugged Aaron back. Robert couldn't help but smile at the affection between the two. He never considered children for him and Aaron. Robert had always wanted to be a father, but with Aaron he never thought it would be possible because he was sure Aaron never wanted kids, but seeing him Leo tonight made Robert think that maybe a baby of their own was possible for the future. 

“Bye,” Aaron said and walked out the door. 

“Goodbye Rhona,” Robert said darkly. “Such a cute kid,” he said and smiled down at Leo before glaring up at Rhona again, “really would be a shame . . .” And he left it at that. 

****

They got back to the pub, with Liv ignoring both of them as she stomped into the house. Robert was still feeling a little numb and at this point he would be using more pills, but he was out. He wanted to pull out his phone and text Holly to see if she's heard back from Simon yet. He fought the urge to do so, it becoming easier as Aaron grabbed him by his jacket and pushed him against his car. 

“Someone's feisty,” Robert joked. 

“Someone's horny,” Aaron said and began to kiss his neck. Robert moaned as he bit down on the pulse point in his neck, he knew how that drove Robert crazy. 

“Well I'm all for doing it right here,” he groaned a little as Aaron bit down on his earlobe, “outside the pub for the whole world to see, let's face it they could all do with a show, but I think you'd regret it tomorrow.” 

“S'pose you're right,” he mumbled against his jaw. “Let's go,” he said and took Robert by the hand, both of them practically running for the back door of the pub. 

They ran upstairs, Aaron shutting the door to his bedroom and locking it behind them. He shoved Robert against the closed locked door, and kissed him fiercely, pushing his tongue in to taste Robert. “Aaron,” Robert moaned as they broke the kiss. They started taking each others clothes off, hurriedly so they kept fumbling with buttons and zippers. 

Aaron stepped back to kick his shoes and socks off, pulling down his jeans and boxers afterward with Robert following his lead. They stood their naked in front of each other, and Robert had to swallow at the sight of Aaron. His eyes didn't linger on the scars, he didn't want to upset him but there were so many now. Aaron stepped to him, wrapping his hand around his neck and pulling him in for a kiss. It wasn't as rough and rushed as before, but soft and tantalizing for both of them. 

Robert wrapped his arms around Aaron, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss making Aaron moan. He kissed along Aaron's jaw, loving the way his scruff scratched at his lips and face. “Robert,” he moaned. “I need you.” 

“On the bed,” he said and backed Aaron up until he hit the back of his knees with the mattress and he fell. Robert crawled over him, kissing his lips, cheeks, neck, and he kept working his way down over his torso leaving a wet trail of kisses in his wake. He swirled his tongue around his belly button before dipping it into the small groove. He kissed his way over his hip bone, sucking for a moment and bringing a delicious sound from Aaron. 

“Oh God,” he moaned as Robert took his half hard cock in his hand, squeezing with a light pressure before letting go. Robert licked the palm of his hand before taking Aaron's hot cock back in his large hand and started stroking him. “F-Fuck,” Aaron keened while Robert jerked him to fill hardness. He kissed and nipped at the inside of his meaty thighs, his hand never stopping its even strokes. 

He took one of Aaron's balls in his wet warm mouth, swirling his tongue around it, making Aaron's back arch off the bed. He let it slip from his mouth before repeating the process with the other one. “Fuck Rob! You keep doing that and I'll come.” Robert smirked and let his other ball slip from his mouth. He moved up a little ways, taking the tip of his cock into his mouth - his tongue running over the slit to capture the precum that had built up before taking him down to the hilt. 

“Oh F-Fuck,” Aaron cried and sunk his hands into Robert's hair, forcing his head down more and his cock further down his throat. Robert pulled up and off, catching his breath before swallowing Aaron's cock again. He bobbed his head up and down, hollowing out his cheeks, and sucking hard enough that it wasn't painful. 

“Rob . . . Shit I'm gonna fucking come,” Aaron groaned and thrust deep into Robert's throat. His cock twitched as Robert pulled off. He kissed his way up to his lips, focusing on his nipples for a moment - licking and sucking them until Aaron gripped him by his hair and forced him up to his lips. “I want you to fuck me.” 

“Yes sir,” Robert joked and reached into the bedside table, pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom. He poured some of the lube onto his fingers, kissing and sucking on his neck as he swirled the cold lube around Aaron's hole. He pushed one finger in slightly, making Aaron hiss and grip his shoulders. “Shh,” he soothed him and pushed his finger in further.

“Been a while,” he said and readjusted his position slightly. 

“Tell me about,” Robert mumbled and started to pump his finger in and out of Aaron, before adding a second one. He pushed deep, scissoring them inside him, and moving them in and out of his hole. Aaron moaned and pushed down on Robert fingers and he rubbed against his prostate. He stopped a moment to add a third finger before continuing his stroking of his sweet spot. 

“Oh fuck. . . Oh- oh g-god,” Aaron moaned and slammed back down on his fingers. “Fuck me, fuck me now!” 

Robert kissed him once more before sitting back between his legs. He ripped open the condom, tossing the wrapper onto the floor, and then rolled it over his hard dick. “Hold,” he said as he pushed Aaron's legs up. Aaron gripped himself behind his knees as Robert lined up with his hole. Pushing the tip against the tight muscle and pushing in. 

“Jesus Christ,” Aaron growled and dug his nails into his own skin. Robert gave him a second before pushing halfway in and then kept going until he was balls deep inside Aaron. 

“You're so fucking tight,” Robert hissed and leant down to rest his head against Aaron's shoulder, breathing deep. 

“Rob come on,” Aaron whined as he started to grow impatient. He kissed Aaron's heated skin, before pulling up. He gripped him around his thighs and pulled out and slammed back into him. “Yes!” Aaron cried as Robert began to fuck him, hard. “Just l-like that,” Aaron panted as Robert hit his prostate again and again, his hands curling in the already sweat soaked bed sheets. 

“Goddamn,” Robert growled and picked up his pace, skin slapping skin and their moaning and groaning the only sound filling the room. 

“I'm gonna come,” Aaron panted. Robert reached between them, gripping his cock and jerking him off. Aaron let go of his legs and wrapped them around his waist, forcing him to go deeper. Aaron came over Robert's fist and onto his stomach, crying out Robert's name all the while. Robert continued to fucking into him until he came inside the condom, his body stilling and shivering through his orgasm. 

“Fuck,” he gasped and collapsed against Aaron. “Holy shit that was amazing.” 

“You're welcome,” Aaron laughed breathlessly as he ran a hand through Robert's sweaty hair. 

He laughed along with him, and slowly pulled out of Aaron before rolling over onto his back beside the younger man. He ripped the condom off and threw it somewhere on the floor - not really caring where it landed - before pulling Aaron onto his chest and closing his eyes. 

“Are you going to sleep?” Aaron asked as he looked up at Robert. 

“Shh, sleep Aaron,” he mumbled and kissed his head. Between the pills, the two glasses of wine he'd drunk at Rhona's, and the massive orgasm Robert wasn't even aware when he slipped off into dream land. His last thought - or more like wish - being that when he woke up, Holly will have texted with a score.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously sorry for the lateness. I was planning on doing only two chapters, but decided to make it into three parts. I added the smut at the end for something nice before the real horrible things begin to happen. Warning next chapter gets violent, and graphic.


	3. I Wanna Get Away From This Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert goes through withdrawal and gets violent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What, and update so soon? *shocked gasps heard around the world*
> 
> WARNING: Graphic violence towards a minor, attempted suicide, and detailed descriptions of overdosing.

Robert woke up with a groan, he rolled over expecting to find a warm body but instead found a cold empty sheets. He groaned again, the ache in his muscles from sex and other things weighing his body down. He tried to sit up, having to try twice just so he was in sitting position. He wiped his hand across his brow - it was slick with sweat. He crawled across the bed, forcing himself to stand on wobbly legs and made his way over to his jacket. He stuck his hand in the pocket when he remembered as his fingers curled around the cold plastic bottle that he was out of pills. He moaned and threw the jacket back on the ground and found his trousers. He pulled his cellphone out of the pocket and checked for messages. He groaned again and flopped down on the bed - regretting it instantly from the way his body ached like he had a high fever. He might have. 

Holly hadn’t texted. He needed pills, knowing the symptoms of withdrawal had already begun - he wanted no needed to make it go away. He impatiently texted Holly. 

**R: Anything?**

He waited for what seemed a very long time before his phone chimed in with a message. 

**H: Not yet. I’ll call Simon and find out.**

 

Well at least that was something. He rolled onto his back, planning to go back to sleep when the bedroom door flew open, and Aaron walked in; shutting the door behind him. “Get up sleepyhead!” He shouted making Robert’s head pound. He jumped onto the bed, and grabbed at Robert. 

“Aaron!” Robert yelled, regretting it from the way his head pounded. The quick movement of the bed bouncing made his stomach roll. He groaned and pushed past Aaron to grab a pair of boxers - not sure if they were Aaron’s or his - and a T-shirt from his floor and pulling them on. He jerked the door open, and ran to the bathroom. He doubled over and puked up last night's dinner into the toilet. 

“Robert?” Aaron whispered from the doorway. “What’s wrong?” Robert groaned and slid down to the floor, holding his head in his hands as his stomach continued to turn. 

“Food poisoning maybe,” Robert lied and leant over the toilet to throw up again. “His wiped a shaky hand across the back of his throat. “Guess Rhona’s cooking doesn’t sit too well with me.” 

“Weird,” he mumbled and started running the water from the tap. He dampened a cloth with cool water and held it out to Robert. “Put that on your forehead.” He did as Aaron told him. “Liv and I are fine, maybe I should call Rhona and make sure her and Leo are okay.” 

“No!” Robert shouted, and gripped his head. “It might not be that, seeing as you and Liv are fine. Maybe it’s the flu.” 

“Okay,” Aaron said slowly. “Do you want to stay here or do you wanna go back to the bed?” 

“Bed,” Robert mumbled and flushed the toilet, the retched smell making his stomach hurt even more. Aaron helped him up, and let him lean on him as he helped him back to his bedroom. He laid him down on the bed, and covered him with a blanket. “I’m gonna bring you a glass of water. Try and sleep,” and Robert leaned into his touch as Aaron ran a hand over the side of his clammy face. 

Robert closed his eyes, wishing so badly for it all to go away. He rolled over, his body protesting with each movement. He heard the door open again, and heard the thud of the glass being set on the nightstand. He gave no inclination that he was still awake, and soon after he heard the door click closed again. He closed his eyes, and tried to fall asleep through his pain. He wasn’t sure if he was asleep or if his mind was just wandering, but bright images danced behind his closed eyelids. 

****

When he opened his eyes again, it was almost three o'clock. He whined from the ache that went bone deep as he rolled over and grabbed the glass of water Aaron had left out for him. He drank it down, but it had gone stale and didn’t quench his thirst. He checked his phone, but there were no missed calls or texts. He wondered if Aaron was still here, and figured he’d know as soon as he went down stairs. His t-shirt was drenched in sweat, and stuck to his body as he peeled it off. He found one of Aaron’s t-shirts - not even caring if it was clean or not, and his own trousers from last night. He pulled them on and went down stairs, shoving his phone in his pocket hoping to get the text that would make all of this go away. It seemed to take forever, his body fighting him - his muscles practically screaming at him to go back to bed. 

He stumbled when he reached the bottom of the steps and had to grab onto the bannister so he wouldn’t fall. He held back his groan and walked into the sitting room. Liv was on the sofa - playing on her phone with the Telly blasting loudly. 

“Can you turn that down?” Robert asked, the noise from the TV set pounding inside his skull as if people were playing a game of tennis inside it, and they sucked. She looked over at him, her eyes scanning him over before smirking and turning back to the TV.

“Nah,” she said. “Can you go home?” 

“Little . . .” He let the last part of his insult go unsaid, fearing the consequences it would bring if he had said it. “Forget it,” he grumbled and walked over to the sink. He filled a glass with fresh water, drinking it down and filling it again. He sipped from this one and sat down at the table. “Where’s Aaron?” 

“Scrapyard, Adam had some water heater emergency or summat.” She laughed loudly at something on the screen, Robert gripped his head and laid it against the cool surface of the table. 

“Can you not do that so loudly?” 

“You want peace and quiet, go to yours. Oh wait you don’t have a home of your own, you live with your sister like a freeloader. God I can’t wait for Aaron to see sense and finally gets rid of you for good,” she turned the TV up louder. 

“He’s not going to. I’m sure I’ll be here a lot longer than you will.” 

“Is that threat?” She asked darkly. “How do you think my older brother will feel to know his boyfriend is threatening his baby sister?” 

“Not a threat, just a proven fact. One day he’ll get tired of you and send you packing to Ireland to live with your pill head mum, and I’ll be waiting with party hats and confetti,” It was a little rich of Robert calling her mum a pill head, when he himself was sitting there going through withdrawal, but he didn’t care. He just wanted her to shut the fuck up. Robert sipped from his glass of water, glaring at Liv over it. He yawned loudly, already ready to go back to sleep. 

“You can't talk to me that way! I’ll tell Aaron!” 

“Go ahead. He won’t believe you anyway. He knows how much you don’t like us being together, and he’ll know you only said it to try and break us up. Face it Liv, I’m with him. So fuck off.” 

“You’re gonna regret that. Why can’t you realize what a loser you are?” She got up and walked over to the table. “I’ve heard the rumors, the things you’ve done. A cheater, a liar, a blackmailer, oh and can’t forget you’re a murderer!” Robert pushed back his chair, stepping close to Liv, towering over her. There was no fear in her face as she glared up at Robert, he head tilted back just to be able to stare up at him. 

“You don’t know shit, you little bitch! Keep your mouth shut.” Her laughter was like someone scraping their perfectly manicured nails against his brain. It set Robert’s teeth on edge, made him want to shut her up real good. 

“Like I said, nothing but a loser,” she laughed again. He grabbed her by the shoulder, digging his hands into her soft skin hard enough to leave bruises and shook her. “STOP!” She screamed. 

“You stupid brat! You know nothing, you fucking bitch,” and he shoved her. Her body slammed hard into one of the kitchen counter tops, she cried out from the pain, and Robert smiled vindictively at her. 

“WHAT THE FUCK!” Robert jerked his head around to see Aaron standing there, his eyes wide with disbelief. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?” He screamed at Robert and shoved past him to get to Liv. He pulled her close, wrapping his arms protectively around her. Robert stared in horror as if waking from a trance, not understanding what he just did. He looked at Liv who was no longer laughing at him, but looking at him with fear in her eyes. She looked close to crying as she held tight to her older brother. “Why would you do that to her? What is wrong with you. GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE AND DON’T YOU EVER COME BACK OR SO HELP ME . . .” 

“Aaron,” Robert whispered. “Oh god. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry Liv. I don’t, oh god.” He was shaking worse than ever, and he took a step towards them. Aaron gently pushed Liv behind him, shielding her from Robert. “I - Aaron please, I didn’t mean-” 

“GET OUT!” He screamed again and stepped towards Robert, he pushed against his chest shoving hard enough for him to hit his backside hard against the table. 

“Aaron please,” he cried. He grabbed Robert by the arm, the strength he used made Robert cry out. “Stop you’re hurting me,” Robert tried to pull out of his hurtful grasp. 

“I’m hurting you,” he said and slammed Robert into the back door. “You hurt HER! YOU EVER COME NEAR US AGAIN, I WILL END YOU!” And he slammed Robert against the door once more before opening it up and shoving him outside, and slamming the door behind him. Robert promptly doubled over and vomited on the pavement. 

****

“Are you okay?” Aaron asked pulled Liv in for another hug. “I’m so sorry. I can’t believe he did that, you - oh God Liv I’m so sorry.” And he was crying, and holding onto his sister tightly. “What happened? Why did he do it?” 

“I said things,” she said and pulled away from her, as her tears started to spill over. Her arms hurt from where he tightly held her, her back was throbbing from where he’d slammed her into the hard counter tops. “I called him a m-murderer, and then . . . oh God Aaron, I’m sorry.” She threw her arms around her older brother, hugging him just as tight as she held him. 

“That doesn’t matter. You have nothing to be sorry for. He should have never put his hands on you,” he ran hand down the back of her head, smoothing out her hair as he did so. “He will never come near you again. Ever!” 

“What happened?” Aaron and Liv looked up to see Chas standing in the doorway. 

“Robert hurt her,” Aaron said let go of his sister, but made sure to keep him close to him. “If he ever comes near here again, call the police. He’s not welcome here, ever again.” 

“Robert did that?” Chas said skeptically. She knew Robert was a lot of things, but to hurt a child wasn’t on the list. “Are you sure?” 

“I watched him to do it. I walked in and he was shaking her, and then he practically threw her across the room.” 

“Well then maybe we should call the police now,” Chas said and pulled her out of her pocket. 

“No,” Liv said. “Please Aaron. I’m fine, and I pushed him.” 

“I told you it doesn’t matter what you said. He ever comes near you again, you tell me. Got it?” 

“Yes,” she whispered. “My back really hurts.” 

“We have some painkillers upstairs. I think it would be okay if we broke one of the Percocets Diane had left after she got out of hospital. I keep ‘em in the bathroom.” Aaron nodded and watched as she walked away. The anger coursing through him had him wanting to go out and hunt Robert down, make him pay for hurting his sister. Beneath the anger and hatred, was pain. He couldn’t understand why Robert would do something like this. He thought that Robert loved him, but it was becoming obvious Robert only loves himself. 

****

Robert stood outside the door. He was crying, shaking, aching, and the smell from his vomit was making his stomach hurt even more. It had all happened so fast. He can’t remember why he’d done it, all he knew was that he wanted to shut Liv up. Her terrified face flashed in his mind, and he gripped his head, pulling hard on his hair trying to use the pain to make the image disappear. Then he saw Aaron, angry - fucking beyond pissed, and beneath hurt. Fuck. 

He pulled out his phone and noticed he had a text from Holly. His hands shook as he read the message, and had to read it a second time because the screen was shaking so bad. 

**H: Simon got the hookup. Meet me in twenty at the farm.**

The text had been sent fifteen minutes ago. He hadn’t realized he’d put his phone to silent. He got in his car, and sped towards the farm. She was waiting for him, tapping her foot from impatience. “God what took you,” she snapped and got in the passenger seat. “I said twenty minutes, it’s been almost thirty.” 

“Sorry, something happened. Listen can you drive, I’m not feeling well?” She looked him over and knew exactly what the problem was.

“I don’t have a license,” she said. 

“But you know how to drive right?” 

“Yeah,” she said and watched as Robert got out of the car and walked around to the passenger's side and opened the door. “If we get caught . . .” 

“We won’t. It’s not that far into town, come on. I can’t drive like this.” She sighed and got out of the car and walked around to the drivers side. She slid in and had to adjust the seat and mirrors before turning the car around and heading down the road. 

“Where are your shoes?” She finally asked. 

“Long story,” he mumbled. “I’ll have to stop at an ATM. I’m assuming your guy won’t take a cheque.” 

“‘Fraid not,” she said and turned into town. She drove to the nearest ATM and Robert extracted five hundred dollars, and flinched at the sight of his bank account. He got back in, and rested his head against the seat, closing his eyes. He couldn’t get Liv’s scared face out of his mind, and each time he saw it his eyes would well up with tears. He kept his face turned towards the window, discreetly wiping at his face as one or two tears would slip out. 

“Here we are. You can’t come in, he doesn’t like new people. Give me the money. You want 50 right?” Robert nodded and handed her the cash. “I’ll be quick. I told mum I was going to the cafe and wouldn’t be long. She’s probably already wondering where I am.” Robert didn’t say anything, and looked away as she got out of the car. 

He pulled out his phone, went through his contacts and was about to push Aaron’s name but stopped himself. There was no way to fix this, no way to make it better. He’d fucked up so bad, and knew there wasn’t even a starting point to fix hurting his little sister. He was crying openly when Holly opened the door, causing him to jump in fright. 

“Sorry,” she said and slid in beside him. “Are you okay?” She asked, taking notice of his tear stained face. 

“M’Fine,” he mumbled. “Did you get ‘em?” 

“Yeah here,” she said and handed him a baggie of Hydrocodone 10s. He opened the baggie and took out five pills. He felt around the floorboard for a bottle of water he’d put in here yesterday. He found it underneath the seat, he put all the pills in his mouth at once and drank down the water. “Slow down. You’ll make yourself sick.” 

“I’m already sick,” he snapped. “We can go now.” 

“Right,” she mumbled and drove back to the village. 

****

Robert was up to seven pills and he was nodding off at Vic’s kitchen table. He wasn’t listening to her prattle on about something, mainly trying to focus on not face planting into the hardwood surface of the table. “Rob are you listening?” He heard the words but was too slow on the uptake to answer her. He was so far gone, nothing could touch him, nothing mattered but the numbness that had spread through his body. He didn’t think of how Aaron hated him, didn’t think about what he’d done to Liv, all that mattered was how close he was floating up near the sky, close enough to touch the fucking moon. 

“Rob!” She yelled and shook him hard by the shoulder. “What is wrong with you? Are you on drugs or summat?” 

He looked up at through hooded lids, and tried his best to glare at her. “NO!” He shouted. “Leave me alone,” he pushed away from the table, and ignored Adam as he walked through the front door. 

“You know it is common courtesy to say hello to someone when they’ve just said it to you,” Adam shouted after him as he dragged his drug filled body up the stairs. “Well fuck you too,” Adam mumbled. “What’s wrong with your brother?” He asked as he swept Vic into his arms, giving her a long kiss before she could answer. 

“I don’t know. Maybe something happened between him and Aaron, but whatever it is, it isn’t good. I think he’s on drugs.” 

“Robert? On drugs? Really?” 

“It’s possible, Adam. No need to patronize me,” she pushed him away and turned to the fridge, pulling out a pitcher of lemonade. “Want some?” 

“Please,” Adam said and took the same spot Robert had been sitting in moments before. “Maybe he’s just overworked. ‘Course he does sleep all the time. I don’t think it has anything to with Aaron. He was up at the scrapyard with me today, sorting out a problem we had, and he seemed happy. Said him and Robert had a nice night together.” 

“Hmm,” Vic mused as she put a glass of lemonade in front of her husband. 

****

One pill up the nose, little white powder lines that no longer burn - too fucking numb to feel the pain of it anymore. Another one, and another and Robert knew he’d keep taking them until he touched oblivion. He dumped a pile of them into his hand, trying to clear his vision to see them in his hand. Some spilled over onto the floor, but he didn’t care. He had to have been holding about twenty. He wondered what it would be like to take all of them. 

He felt a little nauseous, a little too numb, but he didn’t really give a fuck. He just wanted to be gone, not to care, not be fazed by the horrors of his decisions. He just wanted it to stop. He opened his mouth and shoved some of the pills in, grabbing a beer from the other night from his bedside table and used it to wash them down. He gagged from the taste of the old stale beer and choked a little one the pills. He took more, and washed them down too. He let the rest slip from his hand, sure he’d at least taken ten of them. He lay down on his bed, curled in the fetal position and closed his eyes, and sunk down into the deep dark thick water. 

****

Aaron was kicking off about Robert still. He wanted to suss him out, and show him what can happen when someone hurts his little sister. Chas was trying to keep him calm as she slid another pint in front of him. 

“It’s no use to go and get yourself in trouble. Forget about him, he’s not worth it.” Aaron rolled his eyes and drank deep from the glass of lager. “I still don’t know why he did it. Robert’s never been violent, unless he’s backed into a corner, but Liv’s just a little girl. I could kill him.” 

“Hi,” Aaron looked up as Rhona was sliding into the seat next to him. “Last night was fun, we’ll have to do it again.” 

“Definitely,” Aaron muttered. 

“Did I say something wrong?” 

“No it’s just something bad happened with Robert,” Aaron said and drank from his pint. He looked at her and could see something in her eyes. Guilt? Fear, maybe? “What?” Aaron asked. 

“I wanted to tell you last night, but when you brought Robert with you I knew I couldn’t say anything. Aaron . . . Robert’s been using drugs.” 

“What? No, no Robert wouldn’t do that. He’s not that stupid . . .” But that would explain what happened earlier. He knew what drugs could do, especially if going through withdrawal. “What kind of drugs?” 

“I think painkillers. I ran into him at the garage and a pill bottle fell out of his pocket. He tried to play it off as sleeping tablets, but I knew he was lying when he asked me not to say anything to you. Aaron . . . he threatened me and Leo.” 

“What? Goddammit!” He couldn’t believe Robert would do that a second time, actually he could. He’d done it once before, so why not again to hide another one of his dirty little secrets. “What is going on in that head of his?” 

“What happened with him today?” Rhona asked. 

“He hurt Liv. Grabbed her and threw across the room. She has bruises,” Aaron felt sick every time he thought about the dark blossoming bruises around her arms from where he’d grabbed her, and the ones decorating her back from where she’d hit the counters. 

“It sounds like withdrawal,” Rhona whispered. “He needs help.” 

“He’s not getting it from me. I want nothing to do with him,” but he couldn’t help the worry that was filling his chest, making his stomach clench. “Wait here a minute,” Aaron said as he thought of something. He went upstairs and found the clothes Robert had left behind. He grabbed his jacket and felt around in the pockets. His hand curled around cold plastic and he pulled out a labeless orange bottle. “Fuck! Robert, goddammit!” 

He went back downstairs to the pub and slammed the bottle down on the bar. “You were right.” 

“It’s empty,” Rhona stated the obvious. 

A ringing sounded from Aaron’s pocket. He pulled out his phone, it was Victoria. “Yeah?” He said after he answered it. She was sobbing through the phone and he couldn’t make out her words. “Slow down, Vic. I have no idea what you’re saying.” 

“A-Aaron,” she cried. “You n-need to c-c-come to Hotten G-General. Rob’s overdosed. I don’t know if-f he’s g-gonna live.” 

“I’m on my way,” he whispered and hung up. 

“What’s wrong?” Chas asked. Aaron found it odd that she’d kept herself out of his and Rhona’s conversation, but right now that didn’t matter. “Aaron?” 

“Robert’s overdosed. He’s at Hotten General. Vic said she doesn’t know if he’ll make it.” And then he was running. He ran out of the pub, and too his car, slamming on the gas as soon as he brought the engine to life, and his only thought was, _God please don’t let him be dead._

****

“I’m gonna go see if Robert wants to eat with us,” Victoria said as she placed a plate of food in front of him. 

“Probably best to leave the moody git alone,” Adam said and started to eat. Victoria rolled her eyes and walked out of the room. She was worried about him, and if she could get him to come downstairs then maybe they could try for a civilized conversation. 

“Rob?” She called softly and knocked on his door. “Robert?” She called and knocked louder when she didn’t get an answer. “Come on, Rob, stop ignoring me and open the damn door!” So much for civilized. She pounded her fist against the door. She got worried when he didn’t answer. “Robert I’m coming in,” and she opened the door. 

She took in the scene, not really understanding what her eyes were seeing. Robert was laying flat on his stomach, one arm and leg hanging off the bed. Little white pills littered the floor, and a beer bottle had spilled out onto the carpet. “Rob?” She asked, not realizing there was no chance of him answering her. “ROBERT?” She screamed and ran to him. “Robert, come on,” she yelled and shook him. She rolled him over and shook him over and over, screaming in his face to wake up. 

Robert could hear her, she was begging and a part of him wanted to answer and another part wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up, but he was too deep in the numb water to say anything, to even open his eyes. 

“ADAM!” Victoria screamed. “ADAM!” 

“What’s wrong?” Adam asked, appearing in the doorway. “Oh my God.” 

“He won’t wake up,” Vic cried, tears pouring down her face. “COME ON ROBERT, WAKE UP!” She slapped him hard across the face, before starting to shake him again. “CALL 999 NOW! NOW!” She screamed when Adam didn’t move. 

“Right,” he said and pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Hi,” he said into the phone as Vic kept shaking Robert and screaming at him to wake up. “My brother in law has overdosed . . . I don’t know on some kind of pills . . . I don’t know,” he pulled the phone away and told Vic to check and see if he has a pulse. 

“It’s there,” she said when she found the pulse in his neck, “but barely. Oh God, Adam.” 

“He has one but it’s weak,” he said into the phone. “No he’s not responding . . . he turning sort of blue around the lips,” Adam walked over and touched Robert’s skin after the next question the woman on the phone asked him. “He’s cold and sweaty.” He was quiet as the woman informed a response team was on the way. “Thank you,” he said and hung up. 

“They’re on their way,” he told Vic. She grabbed Robert, crying, scream at him to wake and shaking him.

“PLEASE WAKE UP ROBERT! YOU CAN’T DO THIS! PLEASE!” 

“Move,” Adam said. 

“What?” Vic asked. Adam gently pushed her away. He grabbed hold of Robert and rolled him over so his head was face down and hanging over the bed. “What are you doing to him?” 

“Saving his life,” Adam said and forced his first two fingers past Robert’s lips, and shoved them deep into his throat. Robert gagged against the pressure, gasping and gagging as Adam kept prodding his throat with his long fingers. 

“Stop you’re hurting him!” Vic screamed and tried to pull Adam away. 

“Vic he’s gonna die if I don’t do this. I have to get the pills out of his stomach!” He shoved her away and jammed his fingers back down his throat. Robert gagged, his stomach lurched, and the burning liquid came up his esophagus and he vomited a white chunky mess all over Adam’s hand and the floor. Robert opened his eyes, gasping for air. 

“ROBERT!” Vic screamed and pushed past Adam to grab at her brother. “Robert stay with me!” She begged as his eyes slipped shut again. “Fuck! Adam what’s happening.” 

“He should be fine. He’s still really fucked up,” he told her and wiped his hand on a shirt from the floor. They both looked up towards the door as the sirens from the ambulance got louder and louder. “I’ll go and meet them. You stay with Robert.” 

Vic nodded and pulled Robert into her arms, crying softly and pushing his hair back from his face. “You’re okay,” she whispered over and over. “You’re gonna be just fine you stupid fucker,” she laughed slightly. Robert’s eyes opened slightly, “can you hear me?” She cried before they slipped closed again. 

He could hear her, could even smell her - her overpowering perfume making him want to be sick again. Her body was warm against his cold one, and he didn’t try to fight away from her - couldn’t even if he wanted too. His throat burned from the brutal work Adam had done to his throat, and the burning vomit hadn’t helped any either. 

“He’s in here,” Adam said as he walked into the room, closely followed by two EMT’s carrying a stretcher. Vic didn’t want to let go of Robert, but Adam’s warm touch loosened her grip she had on Robert, and she let him pull her away from her brother. 

“Did he vomit on his own,” one of the men asked as he took in the pile of sick on the floor. 

“No I induced vomiting,” Adam said. 

“What’s his name?” The other asked as he checked his pulse. “Pulse is thready,” he said to the other one. 

“R-Robert Sugden,” Vic stuttered. “His name is Robert,” and she was crying again. Adam pulled her against his chest, putting a hand on the back of her head. 

“Are either of you related to him?” 

“I’m his sister,” Vic sobbed. 

They worked over Robert, saying things that neither Vic nor Adam understood. “Alright let’s bag him.” 

“Bag him?” Vic cried, fearing he was dead. 

“We’re gonna get him on the stretcher and take him to Hotten General. His pulse is still very weak, and chance are he still needs his stomach pumped. It seems he’s been snorting the pills as well,” he said indicated to the bedside table where a plate sat with a rolled up twenty-pound note, and a credit card. Do you know if he’s had a history of drug abuse?” 

“No - no. Um he left for a long time, but I don’t - don’t think so,” Vic said. She had never known him to use drugs, at least not gratuitously. She knew he’d done drugs as a teenager, but he showed no signs of use since he’d got back. “Can you tell me when his drug use started, then?” 

“No,” Vic said. “I have no clue.” 

“That’s alright,” he assured her as she started crying loudly again. “Some people can hide it very well. You’re friend here probably saved his life by inducing vomiting,” and he smiled at Adam.

“He’s my husband,” Vic smiled through her tears up at Adam. They got Robert onto the stretcher and carried him down the stairs and out to the ambulance. They watched as the ambulance sped away into the night. 

“Oh God,” she cried into Adam’s chest. “How could I not know? What kind of sister am I to not notice how fucked up my brother has made his life?” 

“Sometimes we don’t see these things,” Adam hugged her tight and kissed her forehead. “Sometimes we don’t want to see them.” 

“We need to go,” Vic said and ran into the house to grab her phone and keys. They got in the car, not caring to follow the speed limit as they did so. “I have to call Andy, and Diane. Oh God I have to call Aaron,” she gasped as she held her phone going through the contacts. “Do you think he knew?” 

“No way,” Adam said. “There’s no way Aaron would have known and let Robert get away with using drugs.” She nodded and hit his name in the contacts. She started crying again as the phone rang. 

“Yeah?” His deep gravelly voice answered. She tried to get the words out through her tears, but she was crying too hard. “Slow down, Vic. I have no idea what you’re saying!” Aaron said. 

“Shh baby,” Adam said and took one hand off the wheel to reach over and take one of her hands. It calmed her and she was able to say the words to Aaron. “A-Aaron,” she cried. “You n-need to c-c-come to Hotten G-General. Rob’s overdosed. I don’t know if-f he’s g-gonna live.” It was quiet for a second, and she wondered if Aaron was going to accuse of some sick joke. 

“I’m on my way,” and the line went dead. 

She called Andy next, not sure if he would even want to come or care enough to do so. “He overdosed?” Andy said in disbelief. “Are you sure?” 

“Positive,” Vic growled as they pulled into the car park. They got out and ran for the building. Adam inquiring as to where they took Robert, while Vic continued to talk to Andy. “Are you coming or not?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I-I’m on my way. Have you called Diane?” 

“No not yet. I was going to call her after you,” Adam touched her shoulder and motioned for her to follow him. 

“Did you call Aaron?” 

“Yes. He’s on his way,” Adam led them to a set a chairs and they sat down. “I have to go Andy, I have to call Diane. Get here soon yeah?” 

“Yeah, leaving now,” and the line went dead. 

“Why don’t you let me call Diane for you?” Adam asked and reached for her phone. 

“No,” she said and jerked it out of his reach. “Did they say anything?” 

“No, just told us to wait here for a doctor,” Vic nodded and rang Diane. 

“Vic what’s wrong?” Diane asked, as Vic’s voice was shaking again. “Overdosed? No, surely not! Well I’m on my way,” and the line went dead. Does anyone say goodbye anymore? Vic thought. 

“I’m gonna find a coffee machine,” Adam said and squeezed her shoulder. “You could do with a brew.” She didn’t say anything, but watched as he walked away. She bit her nails, and tried not to imagine if she’d never gone upstairs to see if Robert wanted to join them for tea. She put her face in her hands, and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently this story is going to keep going, because now I've got it set for 4 chapters instead of three, and I'm sure I'll end up adding more if I can't wrap it up in one more chapter. Also I have an alternate ending where Robert ends up using heroin with Holly when she offers it to him. Let me know if you want to read it and I can post it after I'm finished with this story line.


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